REVIEW: THE FASTEST CLOCK IN THE UNIVERSE @ NEW WIMBLEDON THEATRE

🎭 The Fastest Clock in the Universe

📍 Studio at New Wimbledon Theatre, 93 The Broadway, Wimbledon, London, SW19 1QG

🗓 Thursday 7th May 2026

⭐️ 5 Stars

TOCK-ING ALL THE RIGHT BOXES

I headed over to the Studio at New Wimbledon Theatre last night with absolutely no idea what to expect. Despite Philip Ridley’s THE FASTEST CLOCK IN THE UNIVERSE being a cult classic since 1992, it has somehow never been on my radar. I walked in blind, and what I was presented with was an absolute treat that started strong and just got better and better.

The plot is a masterclass in tension. We are trapped in a decaying, top-floor flat filled with stuffed birds, where the pathologically vain Cougar Glass is preparing for his 19th birthday party. The twist? He’s been "nineteen" for at least a decade. He’s supported by the subservient Captain Tock, who acts as a reluctant accomplice in Cougar’s desperate war against time. The evening is built around the arrival of "Guest of Honour" Foxtrot, a young boy Cougar has lured there under the guise of a birthday celebration. As the "party" begins, the arrival of the landlady and a very unexpected, very pregnant teenager turns a birthday celebration into a psychological - and eventually physical - bloodbath of shattered illusions.

Regular readers of mine will know how much I love a pre-show vibe. Walking into the auditorium to find Cougar already on stage, sitting in his underwear and smoking a cigarette, really built the anticipation. Apart from being very nice to look at for the girls and the gays, it’s a creative choice I just adore. It makes you feel immediately part of the world before the first line is even spoken.

The atmosphere is a living, breathing thing. Each time a new character enters, the energy shifts entirely. But the biggest gear change - the one that made the smile instantly fall from my face - comes when Cougar announces the age of Foxtrot as 15. The room went cold. It’s a moment that catches the audience completely off-guard, shifting the play from darkly eccentric to genuinely predatory.

This is a cast that I just couldn't take my eyes off; it is truly one of the strongest ensembles you’ll see on any stage. Frederick Russell is hypnotic as Cougar Glass, portraying a man so consumed by his own reflection that he is both terrifying and pathetic, and he captures that brittle, terrifying vanity perfectly. Brian Aris as Captain Tock is the perfect foil, anchoring the play with a weary, tragic devotion that is painful to watch. Karen Holley brings a wonderfully surreal, unsettling edge to Cheetah Bee, while Kim Whatmore portrays Foxtrot Darling with a haunting, wide-eyed vulnerability and a devastatingly fragile innocence. Then there is Naomi Preston-Low as Sherbet Gravel, who is absolute fire on stage. She brings a gritty, streetwise reality that finally forces the walls of Cougar’s fantasy to cave in as she cuts through his delusions.

The chemistry between the performers is what makes this production so arresting. Each actor balances the script's dark humour with its underlying cruelty, ensuring that the relationships feel both heightened and uncomfortably real. The dynamic between Russell and Aris, in particular, creates a sense of history and codependency that serves as the play's dark heart.

Creatively, Brittany Rex's direction uses the space wonderfully, turning the Studio into a claustrophobic pressure cooker. Even the character names are brilliant bits of symbolism: from the predatory "Cougar" to the ticking "Tock" of a man watching his life pass by, and the "Gravel" of a girl who is as tough as the East End streets she comes from.

As the play moved towards its conclusion, I was left completely breathless. The play moves from a simmer to a violent, heart-pounding boil that left the entire audience stunned. I honestly didn't want it to end. I loved the sheer amount of emotions I felt throughout the evening - everything from disgust to proper belly laughs.

The final scenes are a visceral experience. As the lies of the characters are stripped away, the pacing accelerates into a chaotic confrontation. The use of the intimate space ensures that the audience cannot look away as the psychological tension finally erupts. It is a haunting conclusion that lingers long after the house lights come up, forcing a reflection on the destructive nature of vanity and the passage of time.

What makes this production so biting is how it explores society’s toxic obsession with youth and looks. Ridley shows us just how much this vanity can consume a person, turning them into a hollowed-out predator who would rather destroy lives than admit to a single wrinkle or grey hair. It’s a terrifying look at how the fear of ageing can lead to devastating consequences, not just for the individual, but for everyone in their orbit.

Even though the play is over 30 years old, these themes feel perhaps even more relevant today than when it was written. In our modern world of filters, filler, and the endless quest for perfection on social media, Cougar Glass isn't just a monster in a play - he’s a warning of what happens when we let the mirror become our master.

Performances of THE FASTEST CLOCK IN THE UNIVERSE continue in the Studio at New Wimbledon Theatre until Saturday 9th May, so there's not long if you want to experience this intense revival. CLICK HERE to book your tickets. I wish I was returning to watch this flawless production from a team that really knows what great theatre looks like.

Neill Kovacic-Clarke

All views are my own and I pride myself on being honest, fair and free from influence. Theatre is subjective and it is important to remember that all views expressed are just those of one person.

My ticket for this performance of The Fastest Clock in the Universe was gifted by Cellar Door Theatre who invited me to watch the show in exchange for my honest review. The fact that my ticket was gifted played no part in the content of my review or the star rating given.

CAST:

Frederick Russell as Cougar Glass; Brian Aris as Captain Tock; Karen Holley as Cheetah Bee; Kim Whatmore as Foxtrot Darling; Naomi Preston-Low as Sherbet Gravel

RUNNING TIME (approx):

1 hour 50 minutes, including interval

CONTENT WARNINGS:

Violence and aggression; Gun and blood imagery; Sexual exploitation and grooming; Grief and bereavement; Strong language; Toxic relationships; Discussions of animal slaughter; Pregnancy loss; Body dysmorphia

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